unrealistic optimism for divorced person

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By doing so, you open the door to begin working together to resolve the issues. If, on the other hand, your unmet expectations don’t seem similar to those listed above, talk with your spouse about your expectations and hers/his. And you have the opportunity to set more realistic expectations. If they are, chances are you’re harboring some unrealistic expectations about yourself, your spouse or your relationship. Look at the list above and see if you’re your expectations are similar to any of them. However, if you have unmet expectations, that doesn’t necessarily mean your expectations are unrealistic or unable to be met.īegin exploring your expectations on your own. “Peace begins when expectation ends.” – Sri Chinmoy The choice to end things after persistent disappointment is often seen as the only answer because our unrealistic expectations can make it seem as if we fell for the wrong person. Persistent disappointment can lead to stress, frustration, anxiety, sadness, despair, anger, and eventually a decision to give up on the marriage. Because it’s unlikely that our spouse will ever be able to meet them, our disappointment can fester and transform into other more defeating emotions and choices. When we have unrealistic expectations in marriage (or anyplace else), we set ourselves up for more than just disappointment. That’s because unrealistic expectations can’t be met – no matter how much you demand or wish they are. The real challenge comes when we have unrealistic expectations in marriage that go unmet.

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When expectations are realistic, it’s a fairly straightforward matter to talk with your spouse about how to address things in a way that you both can feel satisfied with. And your disappointment is signaling that something needs to change. When your expectations about who your spouse should be and how your marriage should be are unmet, of course, you’ll feel disappointed. “Anger always comes from frustrated expectations.” – Elliott Larson How unrealistic expectations can lead to divorce

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You should spend all your free time together – just like you did when you fell in love. Because you love each other, you’ll always be able to resolve all disputes.ġ2. Your spouse will be the only friend you need.ġ0. Your spouse’s life should revolve around you.ĩ. And society continues to pile them on through movies, books, quotes and, of course, societal norms.Ĩ. We begin accumulating unhelpful beliefs and expectations about love and marriage from the moment we hear our first fairy tale. “We must rediscover the distinction between hope and expectation.” – Ivan Illich

Examples of unrealistic expectations in marriage They can just be really difficult to identify – especially when it comes to the expectations and beliefs we have about our spouses and marriages. Yet, the truth is that we all have irrational beliefs and expectations.

The challenge is that we each tend to believe our beliefs and expectations are completely rational. They can also be based on misunderstandings. They emerge from our beliefs about how the world works.īeliefs and expectations can be rational or irrational.

And when we marry, we expect that we will be married for the rest of our lives.Įach of these expectations is based on our personal experience, understanding and/or hopes. We expect that we will outlive our children. We expect that our heart will pump without our conscious thought. We expect the sun to rise in the east and set in the west. “Expectation is the mother of all frustration.” – Antonio Banderas If you’re in an unhappy marriage and want to explore ways to improve your relationship, looking for and addressing unrealistic expectations might be a great place to start.

That’s nearly half of all divorces being caused in major part because of unrealistic expectations. One of their findings was that 45% of divorced respondents said that unrealistic expectations in marriage by them and/or their spouse was a major contributor to the end of their marriage. In 2005, the National Fatherhood Initiative published a report on a national survey they conducted on Marriage In America. “When you stop expecting people to be perfect, you can like them for who they are.” – Donald Miller

Unrealistic optimism for divorced person